About time

It's a quarter after one and I'm gonna start on my first part time job in less than 10 hours time. Mix feelings I would say. It's like finally it's my turn to earn some money on my own and stop listening to all the rantings from my mum as to how I spend/manage my expenses. For what I know/feel now is that if you can't find happiness or purpose at home, you got to get out. And by getting out, you need some cash. I guess as people grow older, they are so stuck with their daily routine that they stop being adventurous, they stop being curious as to what might just happen in their life if they take that one risk. Any form of risk. 

Right now, all I know is that I do not want to live like that in the future. I have no particular idea about what I want to do, where I want to go, who I want to meet. But all I know is that I want to be curious, I want to be, as cliche as it may sound, happy. Shit happens all the time. I grow, I change, I take things differently, I control my emotions differently. It just suck so much to realise that I can tolerate so much more misfortune in the past when I was a kid. But now, even nothing as bad can just trigger that weakest point of mine. I don't like to be triggered, I don't like to be upset. Purpose, what's the purpose of doing whatever we are doing now. What's the purpose of not taking risk, what's the purpose of being scared of this and that. I don't understand myself sometimes, really. Fear, I have them, I know what are they. But why did I even allow it to take control of me. Why did I allow you to take control of my emotions? 

If there ever come a day where everything decides to not fall into place and crumble further. I'm gonna start hating, I'm gonna start breaking. For now, I'll remain cool. I just wish that you guys know that I exist and that I have feelings too. I wish people would stop attacking me as though I'm bulletproof. I wish I don't have to feel any form of pain anymore.

-

For the longest time, ever since probably 2 years ago, I have been dreaming about the same thing over and over again. I mean besides the fact that the scenarios are different, everything that I want to feel, just kept appearing in my dream. It's like how is this even possible right? 

"That was the last time I am asking you this"

You see.. here's the thing. Everything will eventually change. Your life, family, friend, lover, crush or whatsoever. The fact is, nothing really last forever. So whatever it is, treasure what you have and appreciate whatever that's around you. You never know when's the last. For that, maybe.. just maybe.. that was the last straw. Till then. 

No distance

THAMMY'S 18TH

Celebrated Sherlyn's 18th birthday at wavehouse followed by dinner at vivo after that. Good food, Good Company ت

Presenting to you the Hwachong girl band, the kinky kittens. ;)

TREKKING AT M'SIA WITH HC BBALL TEAM 

Went trekking at some ulu mountain in Malaysia with Team Hwachong last week. It was... hell tough and freaking challenging. The route was hell insane and we have to use our hand and legs to literally climb that mountain. Being badluckpam, my shoe's soul actually came off half way while I was climbing up the mountain. The going down part was mad, my legs were literally shaking okay! And being badluckpam again, my feet sunk into the soil and I sprained my freaking ankle after clearing less than a quarter of the route. I thought I was going to die in the forest la. Was so proud of myself when I cleared the whole journey. So yeap, #yolo 7 hours Tarzan adventure. 

It's freaking steep seriously...

Team Hwachonggggg ✌

With the girls at the Summit

BAKING + STUDY SESH AT @AFORALINA 

I don't know what's happening but my bad luck is coming back to haunt me again. It's like I've got so many unlucky events that  I don't even know how to react anymore. I seriously hope that things will get better and may all the shit leave me... meanwhile, #prayforpamzie HAHA OKAY KIDDING

Time to rush all of my undone tutorial. roarr.. and my blocks... oh my blocks... **** my blocks...

That's all, have a good weekend ;)

It's a quarter after 1

It's 1am and I should be asleep now since I'm going for a hike later at Malaysia with TeamHC   . I was looking through my photo albums just now and ohgawddd.. I miss my long hair but somehow I don't want to have it back. You see, sometimes things are meant to remain at the back of our mind, and stay as memories. LOL. #wisepam 

But seriously, I am no longer the Pamela that I use to be 2 years ago. It's not a bad thing actually. I mean these changes just somehow, someway let me understand that people do change along the way. It's just how much he/she changed isn't it? 

Alright, this post is getting nowhere and I need my sleep!! Here's a super S T E P photo. HAHAHAHA  

B Y E

Breathe.

I M STILL ALIVE AND TOTALLY BREATHING~ 

Blocks is finally over la gaiz. It was hmm.. alright I guess? Maybe it's because I missed my econs paper which I think will pull everything down down down. But whatever, I feel alright and I hope my results will be alright too. 

So... the first thing I did after blocks was to actually head down to lot one for some retail therapy (desperate much). Then the next activity on my list was heading down to Sentosa to tan with @aforalina . Holy mama it was oh-so-darn-good. I understand that this is just BT1. But you need to know that I have been like studying since last year December! So anyway, I think this shiok-ness could have been better if I had worked harder for my BT. Oh well~ 

Had brunch with Tiff, Lisa and Steph at House@Dempsey to gear us up for BT1. 

Before Enning flew to Aussie to study so that we will be able to get free MC in the future. :'( 

I just have to post this! Axel actually posed for the camera to take a kissing shot with me. Ah sucha cutie. 

March Holidays~ 

Masterchef Pam and Masterchef Faith wanted to have breakfast but we woke up a little too late so we decided to make our own brunch. Haha, marry us? 

Impromptu study date with Poon and Jo + Mugathon at reading room~ 

Crashed the cavewoman's cave because I desperately need to watch a movie right after blocks is over. I miss this woman so much (hate to say this). But seriously... gahhhhh

Tanning sesh was so awesome I swear. It's like finally a day out without my books. A good Friday indeed :*

Alright, that's all. 2 more days of break before I start work again. #leggo 

Life goes on

As much as I want to believe that I have a choice as to the kind of life I want to lead, I can't. The life chose me, I didn't choose it. Yes, I have a choice to choose how I view it. But what am  I suppose to do when shit just can't stop happening? What am I suppose to do when I re-look at my life and tell myself that these are the reasons as to what is happening now. 

"Suck it up pam"